i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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