Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
