i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
