he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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