I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
