Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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