I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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