so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
