I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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