Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
