Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
