you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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