apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
