smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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