When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
