I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
