Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
