I am in a vortex of obligation.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think my mom watched the whole time
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
