I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
