he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
