better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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