It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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