Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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