just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
