everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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