Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
