I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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