If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
