If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
