My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
