omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
