dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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