They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
