Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The power of my boobs compel you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
