I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
