i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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