I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just google imaged poop.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
