Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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