I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
