Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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