I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
