I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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