Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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