I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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