I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
