3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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