i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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