Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
