So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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