I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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