I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
