Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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