pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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