I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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