ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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