its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
