totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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