then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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