"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
