it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
