Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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