If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
