so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
