dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize