Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
