Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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