i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
