i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
