; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
