I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
