i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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