dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
