I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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