So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
