he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
