if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
