if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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