I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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