I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
