Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
