your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
