..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
