spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
