Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i will never coherently bang her
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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