I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
