dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
