Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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